“Why Did I Get Here and Why Should I Get Rid of My Mask?”
At age 47, there were a lot of winding roads that led me to this place I’m writing from now. That’s a lot of road to unravel, but how many of us take the time to reflect and unpack it all when we find ourselves at a crossroads?
Well folks, this is where I’m at today … a crossroads!! I’m stuck, and I’ve been stuck for quite some time. I am hoping that writing today’s blog will birth new thoughts AND reveal old ones I need to get rid of so I can continue healing. When I get stuck, I do what many do, put on various masks.
Here are some labels you might identify with that lead to the various masks you find yourself wearing at times:
DENIAL - “I’ve got this. I don’t need your help!!!” (TRUTH: I do need help!)
ILLUSION - “Life is great. I am right where I want to be.” (TRUTH: Life is challenging right now, and I want to be on a different journey.)
NEGATIVE SELF TALK -“I see myself as unworthy and inferior, but I tell others how accomplished I am.” (AKA Imposter Syndrome and “Act As If”) (TRUTH: I see myself as worthy, but I use the success of others to tell myself I don’t measure up.)
PERFORMER - “I’ve got ALL my sh*t together, and I’m going to demonstrate that by speaking louder, faster, more confidently, and with great animation. (TRUTH: I am a hot mess, and I don’t need to perform in order to give the impression that I know everything about everything. I just need to be ME!!)
I’ll share a secret with you. MY biggest struggle is in overcoming Imposter Syndrome. I see myself as being inferior to others (thanks mom) while at the same time knowing that I have special gifts to share that will help others transform. That, my friends, is called Cognitive Dissonance … holding contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values (i.e., believing I am inferior while at the same time knowing I do have skills and experience to share with people).
The part that trips me up and causes my Imposter Syndrome is the story I tell myself. The “head trip” goes like this … “Yes April, you do have unique skills and stories to share, BUT … that doesn’t mean what you share will help others with their issues of life. Who are you to believe that what you have to say will help someone else when you can’t even get yourself unstuck???”
Now we’re getting to the part about WHY I got here. Two words … my mom!! Throughout my childhood and well into my 40s, I did things that I perceived as worthy of positive recognition and praise from my mother. But instead, mom often shamed me (many times, publicly) for my thoughts and actions. From my grades to my weight to my choices in husbands and beyond.
While that is WHY I got into this cyclical head space of believing I am not worthy to serve others in a meaningful way, I am determined to not allow this to be my final destination. Just because we THINK something is true does NOT mean it is true.
So WHY should we get rid of the masks we choose to wear? Let me say that last part again (in case you missed it) … WE CHOOSE to wear. It is a choice — OUR CHOICE!!! We give up our power when we allow people to dictate how we show up in the world. But once we understand WHY we show up in the world the way we do, only THEN will we conquer Imposter Syndrome. Only then will we choose to take off our masks.
God has called upon each of us to serve others from a place of love, in His image. The thing is … not everyone chooses to answer His calling. Many are usually in the mode of FINDING their calling and believe they need the approval of others in order to be successful. Instead, we should be listening every day for God to speak to us as He guides our steps towards our purpose.
“God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.”
1 Corinthians 1:27–29
None of us are perfect, but we don’t need to pretend that we are. So join me in embracing and celebrating everything that makes us imperfect because it is our imperfections that will help us make this world a better place as we share our MESS to MESSAGE and TEST to TESTIMONIAL stories in order to serve the people God has called us to serve.
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